Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
