yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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