so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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