No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
