I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
