i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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