and you said cock pushups were impossible
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
