Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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