Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
