I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
