Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
