News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
