I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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