At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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