I think I won the penis lottery.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
