your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
