A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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