you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
try to milk me bitch
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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