Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
