your thong is hanging out like whoa
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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