So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
