I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
