He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
