my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
