just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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