Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
