I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
BRING THE BAGELS
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
