wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
