i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
