he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
