if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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