Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
