There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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