You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
