there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
