So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
