spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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