She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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