It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
nutella sex= disaster
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
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