Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
