Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
