I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
