Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Even the bartender felt bad for me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
