That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
