theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
