really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize