I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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