birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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