after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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