I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Oh god it's open bar.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
