shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
