Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
