new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
