Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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