if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
