Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
