New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
