My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
