i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
