Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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