I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
