if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
