He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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