with your own penis?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
