i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
