We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
