she woke up with a sticky ear
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
