he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
