***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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