wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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