peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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