Apparently you make a good broom.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
