Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
