He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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