"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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