'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
please come you make the beer taste better
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
