Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
