At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
