nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
