My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
