I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
