just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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