Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
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