Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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