So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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