my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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