You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
