She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
