My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize