She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
