I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
