I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
