did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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