A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
