I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
